HomeHere's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
+13
Moonflame
Stealthy
Tornadostorm
Roseblossom
Swallowfeather
Bellatrix
Twilight
Midnightflame
Silverstar
Fawny
Northkit
Jewelsky
Glimmerwing
17 posters
Page 1 of 3
Page 1 of 3 • 1, 2, 3 
Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Glimmerwing Thu Feb 27, 2014 8:54 pm
I decided to make this topic because I thought a lot of us (including myself) needed it...just to let your emotions out.
Last edited by Glimmers on Sat Mar 01, 2014 2:53 am; edited 1 time in total
Glimmerwing- Deputy
- Herbs : 407
Posts : 4667
Fresh-kill : 34331
Join date : 2013-05-11 -
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Jewelsky Thu Feb 27, 2014 10:24 pm
If anyone asks, the previous contents of this post were stupid and regrettable.
Last edited by Jewelsky on Wed Feb 03, 2016 6:20 pm; edited 5 times in total
Jewelsky- Warrior
- Herbs : 397
Posts : 15599
Fresh-kill : 62464
Join date : 2013-09-07 -
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Northkit Sat Mar 22, 2014 1:31 pm
Part of me feels like this would be a good outlet for me to post here, yet another part is afraid to.
Northkit- Kit
- Herbs : 104
Posts : 208
Fresh-kill : 19033
Join date : 2014-03-05
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Glimmerwing Sat Mar 22, 2014 7:06 pm
Go right ahead, Northy! No one's stoppin ya <3
Glimmerwing- Deputy
- Herbs : 407
Posts : 4667
Fresh-kill : 34331
Join date : 2013-05-11 -
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Jewelsky Sun Mar 23, 2014 6:17 am
Feel free to rant about anything; it's fine. :3
Jewelsky- Warrior
- Herbs : 397
Posts : 15599
Fresh-kill : 62464
Join date : 2013-09-07 -
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Northkit Sun Mar 23, 2014 8:40 pm
Well... alright.
It's a little depressing though. And I had to be vague.
It's a little depressing though. And I had to be vague.
- Venting:
- I don't really know how to start.
You see, I'm not a very touchy-feely person. I don't really like to give/receive hugs, or even really be touched in general. I'm also not very expressive with my emotions. I keep them locked away and don't express them to just about anybody. I do this because I am trying to protect myself from hurt, as I'm a very sensitive and skeptical person. I figure that if I remain distant, keep everybody around me at an arm's length or maybe even further, that my mind, my heart, and just all of me will be safe.
I wasn't always like this, though. I used to smile so much more than I do now, and truly laughing out loud was my favorite thing to do. I used to love to hug others and being around people. But all of that changed when I was fourteen.
I can't articulate what happened. I just can't. Partially because I'm not sure I should because of the younger members here, and partially because I still find it very hard to accept that it actually happened. It's all so surreal, like one of those things that you don't actually believe will happen to you. I'll say this much: it completely shattered my trust in everybody around me and changed my life, as well as swiftly tearing my family apart.
The "incident" still comes up in my mind, and it's been coming up even more now since we're going to visit my family back in Italy over spring break. Everybody in my family knows about the "incident", and every time I see them, I always get these uncomfortable, sympathetic stares. My grandparents on my father's side do this excessively, usually with my grandfather looking at me with a sympathetic and forced smile before trying to make normal conversation while my grandmother looks on, almost as if she's afraid to talk to me. Despite her sweet little smile, I can always feel her broken eyes on me. It's affected her just as much as it has affected me.
Lately, the "incident" is becoming a recurring thought. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because I know I'm going back to Italy soon and will have to see my family again. See their exaggerated smiles paired with broken eyes, trying too hard to make it seem like nothing happened at all and that everything is OK.
I know they're trying -- really, really trying -- to make me feel comfortable and trying to get me to find peace... but I can't. My trust in people, particularly my family, has been shattered possibly forever. It's like my trust was glass which someone had knocked out of my hands, causing it to shatter and spread across the floor in so many pieces that I don't know if I can ever move from the spot I'm in now, much less pick up the shards because they've cut up my hands too much. An elaborate analogy, I know, but I feel like it's the only one that I can think of that accurately represents where I am coming from.
I can't even look at certain words without the "incident" coming back to mind. They trigger the past in my mind and I am stuck watching it play once again in the theater of my mind. Even typing them would be almost too much, but I feel confident that, given the environment of this forum and the club, I won't be seeing those triggering words here. For that, I am thankful.
I guess I'm just venting that I want all of this to come to some sort of resolution. I've read all over the internet and articles of magazines and newspapers about people who had a similar or the same situation as me overcoming what happened to them and going on with their lives... but I can't seem to do that. They can, why can't I? Is it because I'm inadequate? Too weak to move on? Will I lose my dignity in the process of moving on? Will someone even care if I do?
I guess the point is that I'm tired. I'm just so tired.
Northkit- Kit
- Herbs : 104
Posts : 208
Fresh-kill : 19033
Join date : 2014-03-05
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Jewelsky Sun Mar 23, 2014 8:51 pm
I'm so sorry, North… I wish I could help you >.<
(Once again: the previous contents of this post were stupid and regrettable, though on a much smaller scale.)
(Once again: the previous contents of this post were stupid and regrettable, though on a much smaller scale.)
Last edited by Jewelsky on Wed Feb 03, 2016 6:24 pm; edited 3 times in total
Jewelsky- Warrior
- Herbs : 397
Posts : 15599
Fresh-kill : 62464
Join date : 2013-09-07 -
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Fawny Tue Mar 25, 2014 7:52 pm
Oh, I'm sorry... You can always PM me if you'd like, I will always do what I can... Moving on is a long, long process, little by little. Even now, when everything seems so bad, things have gotten a little better. And that will continue. You may still have mental scars of what has happened, but they'll be just that: scars. Just hang on tight, and you can do this.Northkit wrote:Well... alright.
It's a little depressing though. And I had to be vague.
- Venting:
You see, I'm not a very touchy-feely person. I don't really like to give/receive hugs, or even really be touched in general. I'm also not very expressive with my emotions. I keep them locked away and don't express them to just about anybody. I do this because I am trying to protect myself from hurt, as I'm a very sensitive and skeptical person. I figure that if I remain distant, keep everybody around me at an arm's length or maybe even further, that my mind, my heart, and just all of me will be safe.
I wasn't always like this, though. I used to smile so much more than I do now, and truly laughing out loud was my favorite thing to do. I used to love to hug others and being around people. But all of that changed when I was fourteen.
I can't articulate what happened. I just can't. Partially because I'm not sure I should because of the younger members here, and partially because I still find it very hard to accept that it actually happened. It's all so surreal, like one of those things that you don't actually believe will happen to you. I'll say this much: it completely shattered my trust in everybody around me and changed my life, as well as swiftly tearing my family apart.
The "incident" still comes up in my mind, and it's been coming up even more now since we're going to visit my family back in Italy over spring break. Everybody in my family knows about the "incident", and every time I see them, I always get these uncomfortable, sympathetic stares. My grandparents on my father's side do this excessively, usually with my grandfather looking at me with a sympathetic and forced smile before trying to make normal conversation while my grandmother looks on, almost as if she's afraid to talk to me. Despite her sweet little smile, I can always feel her broken eyes on me. It's affected her just as much as it has affected me.
Lately, the "incident" is becoming a recurring thought. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because I know I'm going back to Italy soon and will have to see my family again. See their exaggerated smiles paired with broken eyes, trying too hard to make it seem like nothing happened at all and that everything is OK.
I know they're trying -- really, really trying -- to make me feel comfortable and trying to get me to find peace... but I can't. My trust in people, particularly my family, has been shattered possibly forever. It's like my trust was glass which someone had knocked out of my hands, causing it to shatter and spread across the floor in so many pieces that I don't know if I can ever move from the spot I'm in now, much less pick up the shards because they've cut up my hands too much. An elaborate analogy, I know, but I feel like it's the only one that I can think of that accurately represents where I am coming from.
I can't even look at certain words without the "incident" coming back to mind. They trigger the past in my mind and I am stuck watching it play once again in the theater of my mind. Even typing them would be almost too much, but I feel confident that, given the environment of this forum and the club, I won't be seeing those triggering words here. For that, I am thankful.
I guess I'm just venting that I want all of this to come to some sort of resolution. I've read all over the internet and articles of magazines and newspapers about people who had a similar or the same situation as me overcoming what happened to them and going on with their lives... but I can't seem to do that. They can, why can't I? Is it because I'm inadequate? Too weak to move on? Will I lose my dignity in the process of moving on? Will someone even care if I do?
I guess the point is that I'm tired. I'm just so tired.
Fawny- ★ Clan Leader
- Herbs : 2
Posts : 8
Fresh-kill : 19714
Join date : 2013-08-06
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Silverstar Tue Mar 25, 2014 8:44 pm
Same with me…if any of you need to talk to me please do. Venting helps you…it takes something off your chest. Chances are I understand most of your situations to one degree to another…so please PM me any time you want. I'll try extra hard to respond quickly! <3
_____________________
Up on Melancholy Hill~
Silverstar- ★ Clan Leader
- Herbs : 61
Posts : 227
Fresh-kill : 20402
Join date : 2013-05-29
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Northkit Sun Apr 06, 2014 8:47 pm
- I Needed this Thread Again:
- Its after spring break, and I had to see my family again. The stares and awkward tension was in the air, just as I'd feared.
To top it all off, I've re-discovered a song from long ago that means so much to me, and it was just something I liked back then. But now, it totally applies to me right now in this stage and point in at in my life currently. And it's bringing tears to my eyes since these lyrics are words I wish I could hear somebody in real life tell me.
I'm just so tired.
Northkit- Kit
- Herbs : 104
Posts : 208
Fresh-kill : 19033
Join date : 2014-03-05
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Jewelsky Tue Apr 08, 2014 6:40 am
I know it probably seems like I'm trying to be rude to Northy or something by posting here shortly after he does, but trust me, that's not the case; I would never do that.
- I just need this:
- Let me talk a bit about the day Mariah moved, which was March 28th, I believe.
The first thing that happened: I walked up to school, and Aria and Alexis [Alexis being Mariah's friend who is even jerkier than Mariah] were sobbing. Mariah's mom was there for some reason, and I was extremely confused. I asked what was going on, and Mariah told me.
"I'm moving."
I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to say. The emotions were drained right out of me and every emotion welled up inside me at the same time. I was completely unsure of how to react.
So I cried.
Everyone thought "Katherine's crying because she'll miss Mariah". It wasn't true. I was crying because I wouldn't miss her. I was crying because I felt like a complete jerk to hate someone Aria loved. Just because Mariah wasn't good to me didn't mean I had to be bad to her. I'd remembered from a past fight on ETF that fair ≠equal. Now, the situation was real.
Before we even went to first hour, Mariah had left. Aria and Alexis eventually stopped crying, but they kept talking about how much they'd miss her, which induced some more guilty crying for me.
My day was already going horribly when something even worse than what I'd imagined would happen on that day did.
And now for the worst part of one of my worst days.
As I was heading to lunch and taking my lunch out of my locker, Alexis walked RIGHT NEXT TO ME and asked Aria if she would sit next to her at lunch. And I was supposed to be alone? Aria's going to say no, I thought.
I thought completely wrong.
Aria actually accepted the offer, and I was just crushed. On the day I needed her the most, she'd chosen this random spoiled brat over the one who shares her emotions.
So I was forced to walk up to my usual spot at lunch. To make things worse, someone I didn't really like was sitting next to me who didn't usually sit there. I can say that she has sat there since that day, and unfortunately has moved to sitting next to Aria, which is worse than sitting next to me because Aria had an awful experience with her a long time ago.
Anyhow, back to my point.
I sat across from Ella, who's a pretty nice and understanding person. I wanted to tell her how I felt, because I couldn't tell anyone else.
I don't know at what point I started crying, but I was crying pretty hard, trying to explain everything through bursts of tears. I told Ella everything I could; from wanting Mariah to leave to being jealous of Aria and how I was feeling so alone because it felt like Alexis was chosen over me.
I think Aria noticed from a few tables over, so she ran up and hugged me. I hugged back, and eventually, I'd stopped crying. I just had to let my emotions out.
After that, the day was significantly less emotional until the dance.
There was a dance that night, and we went there with Mariah there, too. The worst part was the end, where Mariah claimed she was having a sleepover with Aria and Alexis—and not me.
Let me just say I'm glad it wasn't true. May that be the last lie Mariah ever tells me. [although probably not, because Mariah still ruins my life through phone calls]
As of now, Aria has gained popularity through Alexis. I know Alexis has said some terrible things about me; she hates me, and has even said things about Aria I'm not going to repeat. Does she really hate me so much that she's trying to steal the person I love most?
Since I can't find strength to tell anyone how I feel, I make fursonas of everyone IRL. [I can't draw humans] I use Jewelsky for me, and then Songfeather is Aria. Most of my drawings are the popular girls' fursonas trying to get Aria to come with them, and me chasing after her, crying.
I'm too depressed, I know. I need help.
Last edited by Jewelsky on Fri Nov 11, 2016 8:37 am; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : I WOULD erase this, but as it's already been quoted, that wouldn't do much. I swear that's not trying to insult North or anything ok I just regret things too much)
Jewelsky- Warrior
- Herbs : 397
Posts : 15599
Fresh-kill : 62464
Join date : 2013-09-07 -
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Northkit Tue Apr 08, 2014 3:10 pm
Mrs. Dipper Pines wrote:I know it probably seems like I'm trying to be rude to Northy or something by posting here shortly after he does, but trust me, that's not the case; I would never do that.
- I just need this:
The first thing that happened: I walked up to school, and Aria and Alexis [Alexis being Mariah's friend who is even jerkier than Mariah] were sobbing. Mariah's mom was there for some reason, and I was extremely confused. I asked what was going on, and Mariah told me.
"I'm moving."
I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to say. The emotions were drained right out of me and every emotion welled up inside me at the same time. I was completely unsure of how to react.
So I cried.
Everyone thought "Katherine's crying because she'll miss Mariah". It wasn't true. I was crying because I wouldn't miss her. I was crying because I felt like a complete jerk to hate someone Aria loved. Just because Mariah wasn't good to me didn't mean I had to be bad to her. I'd remembered from a past fight on ETF that fair ≠equal. Now, the situation was real.
Before we even went to first hour, Mariah had left. Aria and Alexis eventually stopped crying, but they kept talking about how much they'd miss her, which induced some more guilty crying for me.
My day was already going horribly when something even worse than what I'd imagined would happen on that day did.
And now for the worst part of one of my worst days.
As I was heading to lunch and taking my lunch out of my locker, Alexis walked RIGHT NEXT TO ME and asked Aria if she would sit next to her at lunch. And I was supposed to be alone? Aria's going to say no, I thought.
I thought completely wrong.
Aria actually accepted the offer, and I was just crushed. On the day I needed her the most, she'd chosen this random spoiled brat over the one who shares her emotions.
So I was forced to walk up to my usual spot at lunch. To make things worse, someone I didn't really like was sitting next to me who didn't usually sit there. I can say that she has sat there since that day, and unfortunately has moved to sitting next to Aria, which is worse than sitting next to me because Aria had an awful experience with her a long time ago.
Anyhow, back to my point.
I sat across from Ella, who's a pretty nice and understanding person. I wanted to tell her how I felt, because I couldn't tell anyone else.
I don't know at what point I started crying, but I was crying pretty hard, trying to explain everything through bursts of tears. I told Ella everything I could; from wanting Mariah to leave to being jealous of Aria and how I was feeling so alone because it felt like Alexis was chosen over me.
I think Aria noticed from a few tables over, so she ran up and hugged me. I hugged back, and eventually, I'd stopped crying. I just had to let my emotions out.
After that, the day was significantly less emotional until the dance.
There was a dance that night, and we went there with Mariah there, too. The worst part was the end, where Mariah claimed she was having a sleepover with Aria and Alexis—and not me.
Let me just say I'm glad it wasn't true. May that be the last lie Mariah ever tells me. [although probably not, because Mariah still ruins my life through phone calls]
As of now, Aria has gained popularity through Alexis. I know Alexis has said some terrible things about me; she hates me, and has even said things about Aria I'm not going to repeat. Does she really hate me so much that she's trying to steal the person I love most?
Since I can't find strength to tell anyone how I feel, I make fursonas of everyone IRL. [I can't draw humans] I use Jewelsky for me, and then Songfeather is Aria. Most of my drawings are the popular girls' fursonas trying to get Aria to come with them, and me chasing after her, crying.
I'm too depressed, I know. I need help.
It's alright, Sky. I don't think you're being insensitive at all. After all, this is the correct place to post things like this, so if you didn't post when you needed it, then the thread is wasted.
You're not too depressed, it's natural to feel very upset and sad in the situation you're in. Have you ever talked to Aria about how you feel like you're being ignored? If you haven't, then she probably doesn't know how this is affecting you.
Northkit- Kit
- Herbs : 104
Posts : 208
Fresh-kill : 19033
Join date : 2014-03-05
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Jewelsky Tue Apr 08, 2014 3:30 pm
I have talked to Aria, but I don't think I've said enough to really make her understand. >_<
Jewelsky- Warrior
- Herbs : 397
Posts : 15599
Fresh-kill : 62464
Join date : 2013-09-07 -
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Northkit Tue Apr 08, 2014 7:12 pm
Mrs. Dipper Pines wrote:I have talked to Aria, but I don't think I've said enough to really make her understand. >_<
Well, perhaps you should tell her more. If you don't tell her everything that's going on and how it's making you feel, then she for sure won't understand just how much it's affecting you. You've got to tell her, there's really no other option.
Northkit- Kit
- Herbs : 104
Posts : 208
Fresh-kill : 19033
Join date : 2014-03-05
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Jewelsky Wed Apr 09, 2014 6:09 am
I want to tell her, but I can't find the right time, and if there is a good time, I blow it because of my fear of her thinking I'm just jealous and a jerk.
Jewelsky- Warrior
- Herbs : 397
Posts : 15599
Fresh-kill : 62464
Join date : 2013-09-07 -
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Midnightflame Wed Apr 16, 2014 8:41 pm
OKAY so
my bff has a crush named Jacob but every time i mention it she denys it and said she doesnt any more and i feel like she has lost my trust to tell me!
yeah
my bff has a crush named Jacob but every time i mention it she denys it and said she doesnt any more and i feel like she has lost my trust to tell me!
yeah
Midnightflame- Medicine Cat
- Herbs : 72
Posts : 3867
Fresh-kill : 19932
Join date : 2014-03-05
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Northkit Tue Apr 22, 2014 8:05 pm
warzone2251 wrote:OKAY so
my bff has a crush named Jacob but every time i mention it she denys it and said she doesnt any more and i feel like she has lost my trust to tell me!
yeah
Or, you know, she truly doesn't have a crush on him anymore. You sure you're not losing your trust in your friend to tell you the truth?
But, if that's not the case, I don't think it's that she doesn't trust you, she probably just wants to keep it secret so that this Jacob doesn't find out. Think about it. If she told you during school, other people she doesn't want to know about her crush might overhear her and tell others.
Or, it could be that she is trying to not have a crush on him anymore. Usually if people are trying to stop having feelings towards something, they try to convince themselves that they don't have those feelings anymore. And, usually, if people can convince others that something is true, then they start to believe it themselves.
Either way, don't feel hurt over being left in the dark over one crush. It's likely not going to last anyways.
Northkit- Kit
- Herbs : 104
Posts : 208
Fresh-kill : 19033
Join date : 2014-03-05
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Midnightflame Wed Apr 23, 2014 6:59 am
u know ur probably right i mean she might just not even like him anymore also i dont even know himNorthkit wrote:warzone2251 wrote:OKAY so
my bff has a crush named Jacob but every time i mention it she denys it and said she doesnt any more and i feel like she has lost my trust to tell me!
yeah
Or, you know, she truly doesn't have a crush on him anymore. You sure you're not losing your trust in your friend to tell you the truth?
But, if that's not the case, I don't think it's that she doesn't trust you, she probably just wants to keep it secret so that this Jacob doesn't find out. Think about it. If she told you during school, other people she doesn't want to know about her crush might overhear her and tell others.
Or, it could be that she is trying to not have a crush on him anymore. Usually if people are trying to stop having feelings towards something, they try to convince themselves that they don't have those feelings anymore. And, usually, if people can convince others that something is true, then they start to believe it themselves.
Either way, don't feel hurt over being left in the dark over one crush. It's likely not going to last anyways.
Midnightflame- Medicine Cat
- Herbs : 72
Posts : 3867
Fresh-kill : 19932
Join date : 2014-03-05
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Northkit Sat Jun 28, 2014 4:10 pm
Do you ever just remember, all at once, how tired you are? Not physically, but emotionally? Because that's where I am right now.
Northkit- Kit
- Herbs : 104
Posts : 208
Fresh-kill : 19033
Join date : 2014-03-05
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Silverstar Sun Jun 29, 2014 3:59 pm
Yes and it's the worst thing in the world ^^
Rant timeeee
Alright so until about three years ago, I guess you could have called me the "perfect" child for my parents. I was still in my phase of where everything they told me was fact and not once were they wrong unless they said so.
Then, I had a friend who really opened my eyes. And now, I am basically the opposite of my parents. Or at least, I feel like I am.
But…they don't know that.
Basically I'm everything they hate. My mom and I have polar opposite views on gay marriage and religion. My dad and I disagree on a lot of social issues. And although they still seem to make good arguments, I just can't force myself to mold into their beliefs, values, and other topics as such. And frankly, I don't want to change. Selfishly, I want them to change. However, I know that isn't going to happen and it just isn't my place to expect for them to.
It's been really hard for recently, but more so in the recent past. I love my parents, because they are all I have. I'm an only child, and frankly I don't trust anyone to the fullest except them.
I'm really afraid to tell them who I am truly am and I'm afraid that if I do tell them that a lot will change. They'll still love me, but I'd disappoint them so much and I can't stand that.
I just wish I could be proud of who I am without society and my parents and most of my friends thinking it's wrong and that I would appear to be a whole new person if I gave it away.
I've had anxiety about them finding out, and I wish I had someone in real life who understood how I'm feeling whom I could just trust and cry with.
Instead I feel alone.
Blahhhh I wish everyone could just love each other and people like me wouldn't have to fear being ourselves and how our loved ones may take it.
Rant timeeee
Alright so until about three years ago, I guess you could have called me the "perfect" child for my parents. I was still in my phase of where everything they told me was fact and not once were they wrong unless they said so.
Then, I had a friend who really opened my eyes. And now, I am basically the opposite of my parents. Or at least, I feel like I am.
But…they don't know that.
Basically I'm everything they hate. My mom and I have polar opposite views on gay marriage and religion. My dad and I disagree on a lot of social issues. And although they still seem to make good arguments, I just can't force myself to mold into their beliefs, values, and other topics as such. And frankly, I don't want to change. Selfishly, I want them to change. However, I know that isn't going to happen and it just isn't my place to expect for them to.
It's been really hard for recently, but more so in the recent past. I love my parents, because they are all I have. I'm an only child, and frankly I don't trust anyone to the fullest except them.
I'm really afraid to tell them who I am truly am and I'm afraid that if I do tell them that a lot will change. They'll still love me, but I'd disappoint them so much and I can't stand that.
I just wish I could be proud of who I am without society and my parents and most of my friends thinking it's wrong and that I would appear to be a whole new person if I gave it away.
I've had anxiety about them finding out, and I wish I had someone in real life who understood how I'm feeling whom I could just trust and cry with.
Instead I feel alone.
Blahhhh I wish everyone could just love each other and people like me wouldn't have to fear being ourselves and how our loved ones may take it.
_____________________
Up on Melancholy Hill~
Silverstar- ★ Clan Leader
- Herbs : 61
Posts : 227
Fresh-kill : 20402
Join date : 2013-05-29
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Northkit Sun Jun 29, 2014 8:27 pm
Silverrose wrote:Yes and it's the worst thing in the world ^^
Rant timeeee
Alright so until about three years ago, I guess you could have called me the "perfect" child for my parents. I was still in my phase of where everything they told me was fact and not once were they wrong unless they said so.
Then, I had a friend who really opened my eyes. And now, I am basically the opposite of my parents. Or at least, I feel like I am.
But…they don't know that.
Basically I'm everything they hate. My mom and I have polar opposite views on gay marriage and religion. My dad and I disagree on a lot of social issues. And although they still seem to make good arguments, I just can't force myself to mold into their beliefs, values, and other topics as such. And frankly, I don't want to change. Selfishly, I want them to change. However, I know that isn't going to happen and it just isn't my place to expect for them to.
It's been really hard for recently, but more so in the recent past. I love my parents, because they are all I have. I'm an only child, and frankly I don't trust anyone to the fullest except them.
I'm really afraid to tell them who I am truly am and I'm afraid that if I do tell them that a lot will change. They'll still love me, but I'd disappoint them so much and I can't stand that.
I just wish I could be proud of who I am without society and my parents and most of my friends thinking it's wrong and that I would appear to be a whole new person if I gave it away.
I've had anxiety about them finding out, and I wish I had someone in real life who understood how I'm feeling whom I could just trust and cry with.
Instead I feel alone.
Blahhhh I wish everyone could just love each other and people like me wouldn't have to fear being ourselves and how our loved ones may take it.
Hey, I completely understand how you feel. My parents and I disagree on so many social issues as well (they're also against gay marriage and such) so I get where you're coming from.
But I wanna let you know that even if your parents don't/won't accept you, I will. I may not know you personally, but you're always such a kind and positive presence for us on the club. Your open-mindedness and extreme empathy for others is astounding, and it's something that I wish I had.
We love you for you, Silverrose. That's never going to change, okay?
Northkit- Kit
- Herbs : 104
Posts : 208
Fresh-kill : 19033
Join date : 2014-03-05
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Silverstar Mon Jun 30, 2014 2:14 pm
Northkit wrote:Silverrose wrote:Yes and it's the worst thing in the world ^^
Rant timeeee
Alright so until about three years ago, I guess you could have called me the "perfect" child for my parents. I was still in my phase of where everything they told me was fact and not once were they wrong unless they said so.
Then, I had a friend who really opened my eyes. And now, I am basically the opposite of my parents. Or at least, I feel like I am.
But…they don't know that.
Basically I'm everything they hate. My mom and I have polar opposite views on gay marriage and religion. My dad and I disagree on a lot of social issues. And although they still seem to make good arguments, I just can't force myself to mold into their beliefs, values, and other topics as such. And frankly, I don't want to change. Selfishly, I want them to change. However, I know that isn't going to happen and it just isn't my place to expect for them to.
It's been really hard for recently, but more so in the recent past. I love my parents, because they are all I have. I'm an only child, and frankly I don't trust anyone to the fullest except them.
I'm really afraid to tell them who I am truly am and I'm afraid that if I do tell them that a lot will change. They'll still love me, but I'd disappoint them so much and I can't stand that.
I just wish I could be proud of who I am without society and my parents and most of my friends thinking it's wrong and that I would appear to be a whole new person if I gave it away.
I've had anxiety about them finding out, and I wish I had someone in real life who understood how I'm feeling whom I could just trust and cry with.
Instead I feel alone.
Blahhhh I wish everyone could just love each other and people like me wouldn't have to fear being ourselves and how our loved ones may take it.
Hey, I completely understand how you feel. My parents and I disagree on so many social issues as well (they're also against gay marriage and such) so I get where you're coming from.
But I wanna let you know that even if your parents don't/won't accept you, I will. I may not know you personally, but you're always such a kind and positive presence for us on the club. Your open-mindedness and extreme empathy for others is astounding, and it's something that I wish I had.
We love you for you, Silverrose. That's never going to change, okay?
Thank you so much, it means a lot that you said that <3
I love you guys too (:
_____________________
Up on Melancholy Hill~
Silverstar- ★ Clan Leader
- Herbs : 61
Posts : 227
Fresh-kill : 20402
Join date : 2013-05-29
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Northkit Mon Jun 30, 2014 3:04 pm
Silverrose wrote:Northkit wrote:Silverrose wrote:Yes and it's the worst thing in the world ^^
Rant timeeee
Alright so until about three years ago, I guess you could have called me the "perfect" child for my parents. I was still in my phase of where everything they told me was fact and not once were they wrong unless they said so.
Then, I had a friend who really opened my eyes. And now, I am basically the opposite of my parents. Or at least, I feel like I am.
But…they don't know that.
Basically I'm everything they hate. My mom and I have polar opposite views on gay marriage and religion. My dad and I disagree on a lot of social issues. And although they still seem to make good arguments, I just can't force myself to mold into their beliefs, values, and other topics as such. And frankly, I don't want to change. Selfishly, I want them to change. However, I know that isn't going to happen and it just isn't my place to expect for them to.
It's been really hard for recently, but more so in the recent past. I love my parents, because they are all I have. I'm an only child, and frankly I don't trust anyone to the fullest except them.
I'm really afraid to tell them who I am truly am and I'm afraid that if I do tell them that a lot will change. They'll still love me, but I'd disappoint them so much and I can't stand that.
I just wish I could be proud of who I am without society and my parents and most of my friends thinking it's wrong and that I would appear to be a whole new person if I gave it away.
I've had anxiety about them finding out, and I wish I had someone in real life who understood how I'm feeling whom I could just trust and cry with.
Instead I feel alone.
Blahhhh I wish everyone could just love each other and people like me wouldn't have to fear being ourselves and how our loved ones may take it.
Hey, I completely understand how you feel. My parents and I disagree on so many social issues as well (they're also against gay marriage and such) so I get where you're coming from.
But I wanna let you know that even if your parents don't/won't accept you, I will. I may not know you personally, but you're always such a kind and positive presence for us on the club. Your open-mindedness and extreme empathy for others is astounding, and it's something that I wish I had.
We love you for you, Silverrose. That's never going to change, okay?
Thank you so much, it means a lot that you said that <3
I love you guys too (:
Don't mention it. We're all a family in this club, so we've got to be there for each other, yeah?
Northkit- Kit
- Herbs : 104
Posts : 208
Fresh-kill : 19033
Join date : 2014-03-05
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Twilight Mon Jun 30, 2014 11:25 pm
Northkit wrote:Well... alright.
It's a little depressing though. And I had to be vague.
- Venting:
You see, I'm not a very touchy-feely person. I don't really like to give/receive hugs, or even really be touched in general. I'm also not very expressive with my emotions. I keep them locked away and don't express them to just about anybody. I do this because I am trying to protect myself from hurt, as I'm a very sensitive and skeptical person. I figure that if I remain distant, keep everybody around me at an arm's length or maybe even further, that my mind, my heart, and just all of me will be safe.
I wasn't always like this, though. I used to smile so much more than I do now, and truly laughing out loud was my favorite thing to do. I used to love to hug others and being around people. But all of that changed when I was fourteen.
I can't articulate what happened. I just can't. Partially because I'm not sure I should because of the younger members here, and partially because I still find it very hard to accept that it actually happened. It's all so surreal, like one of those things that you don't actually believe will happen to you. I'll say this much: it completely shattered my trust in everybody around me and changed my life, as well as swiftly tearing my family apart.
The "incident" still comes up in my mind, and it's been coming up even more now since we're going to visit my family back in Italy over spring break. Everybody in my family knows about the "incident", and every time I see them, I always get these uncomfortable, sympathetic stares. My grandparents on my father's side do this excessively, usually with my grandfather looking at me with a sympathetic and forced smile before trying to make normal conversation while my grandmother looks on, almost as if she's afraid to talk to me. Despite her sweet little smile, I can always feel her broken eyes on me. It's affected her just as much as it has affected me.
Lately, the "incident" is becoming a recurring thought. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because I know I'm going back to Italy soon and will have to see my family again. See their exaggerated smiles paired with broken eyes, trying too hard to make it seem like nothing happened at all and that everything is OK.
I know they're trying -- really, really trying -- to make me feel comfortable and trying to get me to find peace... but I can't. My trust in people, particularly my family, has been shattered possibly forever. It's like my trust was glass which someone had knocked out of my hands, causing it to shatter and spread across the floor in so many pieces that I don't know if I can ever move from the spot I'm in now, much less pick up the shards because they've cut up my hands too much. An elaborate analogy, I know, but I feel like it's the only one that I can think of that accurately represents where I am coming from.
I can't even look at certain words without the "incident" coming back to mind. They trigger the past in my mind and I am stuck watching it play once again in the theater of my mind. Even typing them would be almost too much, but I feel confident that, given the environment of this forum and the club, I won't be seeing those triggering words here. For that, I am thankful.
I guess I'm just venting that I want all of this to come to some sort of resolution. I've read all over the internet and articles of magazines and newspapers about people who had a similar or the same situation as me overcoming what happened to them and going on with their lives... but I can't seem to do that. They can, why can't I? Is it because I'm inadequate? Too weak to move on? Will I lose my dignity in the process of moving on? Will someone even care if I do?
I guess the point is that I'm tired. I'm just so tired.
To be honest, I'm sorta the same. I really don't like being touched, and even just the slightest poke or whatever makes me uncomfortable. Redfeather was with me and my friends today and idk how many times I told people not to touch me, so she can probably vouch for me on that.
And don't ever fret about "not being able to overcome something fast enough". We all adapt, learn and live at our own paces.
And PLEASE PLEASE tell me, or any staff-y member on here if a word someone said triggered something. It takes us maximum 2 minutes to edit out the word, and sensor it for you, but the average panic attack can last 3 hours. I DO NOT want you going though that so PLEASE let us know.
Twilight- Medicine Cat
- Herbs : 48
Posts : 264
Fresh-kill : 22156
Join date : 2013-12-20
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Northkit Tue Jul 01, 2014 2:59 pm
Luci wrote:Northkit wrote:Well... alright.
It's a little depressing though. And I had to be vague.
- Venting:
You see, I'm not a very touchy-feely person. I don't really like to give/receive hugs, or even really be touched in general. I'm also not very expressive with my emotions. I keep them locked away and don't express them to just about anybody. I do this because I am trying to protect myself from hurt, as I'm a very sensitive and skeptical person. I figure that if I remain distant, keep everybody around me at an arm's length or maybe even further, that my mind, my heart, and just all of me will be safe.
I wasn't always like this, though. I used to smile so much more than I do now, and truly laughing out loud was my favorite thing to do. I used to love to hug others and being around people. But all of that changed when I was fourteen.
I can't articulate what happened. I just can't. Partially because I'm not sure I should because of the younger members here, and partially because I still find it very hard to accept that it actually happened. It's all so surreal, like one of those things that you don't actually believe will happen to you. I'll say this much: it completely shattered my trust in everybody around me and changed my life, as well as swiftly tearing my family apart.
The "incident" still comes up in my mind, and it's been coming up even more now since we're going to visit my family back in Italy over spring break. Everybody in my family knows about the "incident", and every time I see them, I always get these uncomfortable, sympathetic stares. My grandparents on my father's side do this excessively, usually with my grandfather looking at me with a sympathetic and forced smile before trying to make normal conversation while my grandmother looks on, almost as if she's afraid to talk to me. Despite her sweet little smile, I can always feel her broken eyes on me. It's affected her just as much as it has affected me.
Lately, the "incident" is becoming a recurring thought. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because I know I'm going back to Italy soon and will have to see my family again. See their exaggerated smiles paired with broken eyes, trying too hard to make it seem like nothing happened at all and that everything is OK.
I know they're trying -- really, really trying -- to make me feel comfortable and trying to get me to find peace... but I can't. My trust in people, particularly my family, has been shattered possibly forever. It's like my trust was glass which someone had knocked out of my hands, causing it to shatter and spread across the floor in so many pieces that I don't know if I can ever move from the spot I'm in now, much less pick up the shards because they've cut up my hands too much. An elaborate analogy, I know, but I feel like it's the only one that I can think of that accurately represents where I am coming from.
I can't even look at certain words without the "incident" coming back to mind. They trigger the past in my mind and I am stuck watching it play once again in the theater of my mind. Even typing them would be almost too much, but I feel confident that, given the environment of this forum and the club, I won't be seeing those triggering words here. For that, I am thankful.
I guess I'm just venting that I want all of this to come to some sort of resolution. I've read all over the internet and articles of magazines and newspapers about people who had a similar or the same situation as me overcoming what happened to them and going on with their lives... but I can't seem to do that. They can, why can't I? Is it because I'm inadequate? Too weak to move on? Will I lose my dignity in the process of moving on? Will someone even care if I do?
I guess the point is that I'm tired. I'm just so tired.
To be honest, I'm sorta the same. I really don't like being touched, and even just the slightest poke or whatever makes me uncomfortable. Redfeather was with me and my friends today and idk how many times I told people not to touch me, so she can probably vouch for me on that.
And don't ever fret about "not being able to overcome something fast enough". We all adapt, learn and live at our own paces.
And PLEASE PLEASE tell me, or any staff-y member on here if a word someone said triggered something. It takes us maximum 2 minutes to edit out the word, and sensor it for you, but the average panic attack can last 3 hours. I DO NOT want you going though that so PLEASE let us know.
Thanks for caring, twin. I'm highly confident that I won't be running into any sort of triggering words/phrases since this is a very positive environment. Given their nature, the words/phrases are probably already censored or edited out in the system. However, if I do see them then I will definitely let you know.
Northkit- Kit
- Herbs : 104
Posts : 208
Fresh-kill : 19033
Join date : 2014-03-05
Re: Here's a place where you can post any real life situations that are bothering you c:
by Sponsored content
Sponsored content
Page 1 of 3 • 1, 2, 3
Page 1 of 3
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum|
|
|
