Life Partner (The beginnings of a new OC)
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Life Partner (The beginnings of a new OC)
I am making a couple of new OCs. This is how I decided to go about it. Please feel free to critique the species, or their world (OR BOTH :O) None of this is set in stone if I like an idea, or feel a suggested change is necessary. I want this species to be well rounded, well cultured, and thought out.
I especially don't have much experience in culture differences, so if I falter in that department, especially later on, please feel free to point out where I can improve, thank you!
I especially don't have much experience in culture differences, so if I falter in that department, especially later on, please feel free to point out where I can improve, thank you!
~WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF JABAL ALNAAR!! I hope you enjoy your stay :3~
- Chapter 1; The Moments Before:
- *NOTE:
Jami is pronounced not jay, but jah
Tal-Halen is pronounced not Hell.in, but Hall.in
She watched as the snow gently fell. New York was always so beautiful in winter. 'What if it were suddenly Warm Days?' a thought hit, triggering a little string of muse to tug at the small 4 foot girl's heart. Suddenly the world around her changed. The sun shone brightly and welcomingly behind the city-scape beyond the 12 year old girl, making her dark brown flowing curly hair glow golden with the bright light. Grass replaced the chilling snow around her bare feet, and warmth replaced the winter nip in the air on her bare arms, and her brown dresslike wrap (seemingly to have been made from an old rice bag) doing nothing against the cold either. The girl let out a nasally sigh through her mouth, and sat down, slowly laying back against the grass.
After a moment, she rubbed her freckle ridden cheeks, and across her long, yet flat-to-the-point-of-practical nonexistance nose. (In the end it looked more like a gentle hill on her face) Flowers and moss grew around her, shielding her, and providing cushion for her sensitive back. She relaxed deeply into the flora around her, letting any and all tension out of her body. Total-
"Jami? Jami!! Jamiiiii?!"
Jami blinked her eyes open. "Dreams pleasant?" A busy looking, similar sized, similarly dressed figure who was forcibly banging two rocks together near the entrance to their cave inquired. "Jami-Ken, sleeping I was!" the figure, Jami-Ken, looked over. Her littermate held an agitated look on her face. "Jami, today test. Alert, be you must!" Jami gasped, a soft whistle sounding from her nose. She squealed, and jumped to her feet. "Jami-Ken, today test!!... Woken up I still not approve, however." She put her hands to her hips, trying to be subtle, but her eyes sparkling with excitement. "You pass, water rock ready will be." Jami-Ken murmured, her nasally voice squeaking half way through. Jami nodded gratefully, running over and rubbing Jami-Ken's head. The blond Tal-Halen gestured for her brown, curly haired comrade to lower herself, and Jami complied, practically shaking now with excitement.
Jami-Ken scowled at Jami, who's eyes grew wide and pitiful. "Excitement show not, remember?" Jami nodded, but struggled to comply, still visibly shaking. Jami-Ken let out a soft growl, standing. "Test rough, no excitement, yet." Jami just stuck out her ever so slightly blue tongue in response. Jami-Ken rolled her eyes 'Listen to your sister, Jami.' Ken spoke, causing their shared eye to sparkle into a yellow color instead of it's regular brown. Jami was always honoured to be addressed by her littermate's Halen, even if others looked down on him. Because of this, Ken could be allusive, and rather preferred to let Jami-Ken have control most of the time. 'She knows what to expect, we've both been through the test before. I've been through it more then once, keep in mind.' Jami looked away from the soft, solemn gaze of her littermate's partner. "Sorry, I am, Ken. Jami-Ken excited seem not.." Jami couldn't help but look at Jami-Ken's sewn shut eye, and track the black marks from it down to a small blue what looked like a giant vein spiraling down Jami-Ken's arm. Jami herself had no such marks. She wondered if it hurt.
Ken drew her attention back to him. 'Speak to me in my language, please. Your test is soon, you should be practicing.' Jami put her hand to her mouth. Bouncing a little on her heels, causing her soft brown dress-like wrap to bounce. 'I'm sorry, you're right, I should be practicing.' Jami-Ken's shared face smiled approvingly 'You've grown fluent. I'm proud. Now, child, go ahead, and run along.' Jami nodded, although she was clearly not a child, and the yellow faded from Jami-Ken's eye. She watched with stern knowing silence, as Jami turned and bolted for the entrance to the cave, her hair flowing behind her.
- Chapter 2; Jabal Alnaar:
- The light outside their darkened cave blinded Jami for a moment, and she covered her eyes with an arm, squinting and blinking, until she slowly adjusted, and the city beyond her home came into view.
The ground before her was flat over all, dark, rusty red, and very dusty. There was very little for grass as well. Or any type of Flora for that matter. Maybe that's why Jami was so fascinated with Earth? Looking to her left, Jami saw a huge mountain rising up into a world of smoke, and the usual sight of the pale pink sky, of which only it knew. "Jabal Alnaar..." Jami thought, a huge smile spread on the little Tal's face as she stared reverently at the mountain. It was actually a volcano. Did Jami know that, however? No. At least that's not what her kind knew it as. But Jabal Alnaar was a similar enough name, if given thought.
Jami gave a soft bow towards the mountain, and started running towards the city. Full of huge, towering buildings of grey, and pale blue. Many skyscrapers curved, and revealed aesthetically pleasing, and very futuristic (to our eyes) designs. It was quite the contrast to her cave home, but Jami was used to it by now. And most Tal-Halens lived like that anyway. Anything else was unnecessary.
Jami now entered the major city limits, running along paths made only by their constant use. And suddenly, people were bustling around her.most if not all around her own size, and wearing similar attire. They talking quickly, and mostly kept their heads down. Jami waved happily to everyone she passed, but was always given glares, and hateful grunts. Although nicer Tal-Halens would simply look away, more cruel members of Jami's home race would spit at her, or shout at her to go home. Jami ignored them like it was nothing. Not slowing down as she allowed herself to listen to the soft sputtering of the hovering transport vehicles overhead. Soon she started passing younger Tals, like herself, as well as the 'partnered' Tal-Halens. The Tals returned her greetings happily, even without knowing her. "Hi Jami!" Jami called to a male Tal passing by. He looked over, and smiled at her waving "Hello Jami!" He replied curtly. This went on for a good while, the vocal greeting being the same, even if the body language varied from a smile, to an all out hug. ''Hi Jami!' 'Hello Jami''
Soon, the huge sky scrapers and buisnesses started to slowly give way to the occasional, tiny, run down, dark, beat up food shop, and 'official restrooms for Tals' Although one Skyscraper remained in the distance. Slowly, slowly growing closer. It seemed to be one of the tallest, and one of the thinnest. It took another 15 earth minutes, but soon, Jami arrived.
- Chapter 3; The Test:
- Jami crouched in front of the door, and grabbed it, grunting as she lifted the heavy glass, and shoved it upwards until it was high enough she could walk under. She then quickly ducked in, as the door slowly began it's decent back to Jabal Alnaar's surface.
She looked around, the building was brightly lit, but enough that Jami's large, trained eyes could easily see the world around her. A Tal-halen standing over by a white glass slope which seemed to spiral up the whole building nodded towards Jami "Jami welcome! Test taking?" Jami smiled back. "Many thanks, yes." The Tal-Halen gestured to the steps beside her. "Very top." Jami took off running up the slope, giving the Tal-Halen a wave as she did. The Tal-Halen didn't reciprocate, just looked down boredly at the floor.
The run was a very long one, taking Jami close to half an hour. But Jami only slipped a few times, and she was proud of herself for that. She came to another glass door, labeled (in English) "Testing Room 1" She grabbed it, and lifted it the same as the other door. This one was lighter though. Inside, she wss greeted by another Tal-Halen who had been teaching her about partnership alongside her halen for several weeks now. Jami "Jami-Que!" She happily ran over, and ruffled Jami-Que's hair, Jami-Que quickly ruffled Jami's back, then took a step away from the Tal.
'Jami-Ila will be testing you.' She explained to her 'student', speaking in the Halen's language 'I know he's a male, but he's had many years of experience, so he should be more then capable.' Jami pouted, replying in the Halen's language as well 'Why can't you test me? A-are the other testers busy?' Jami-Que hesitated a moment before replying "Capable he is. You be satisfied, right?" Jami looked down "Ma'am, yes." Jami-Que nodded, and lead Jami towards the back of the room, where Jami-Ila, a Tal-Halen with short red wavy hair, and slightly darker skin then Jami was waiting.
'Right.' Ila spoke. Jami only then noticing their shared body's eye was yellow, not brown 'Allow me to test your comprehension of our language.' Jami stood in front of her, and a holographic table appeared in between the them. A long page of symbols, strung together to look somewhat like sentences 'Read it.' Ila instructed firmly, her voice commanding. Jami nodded, and narrowed her eyes, making out the speech before her. 'Halens were first discovered between 30012, and 56050. They were first assumed by the Tals to be a food source, but testing proved them inedible. They were left alone until many years later, in 70023, when a young Tal discovered one of the Halen's struggling to breathe, after a severe smoke storm. She took it in, and tried to nurse it to health, but it didn't respond, until one day she tried breathing for it. When she realized it seemed to recover, she started working on a way to efficiently provide Tal filtered air to the Halens without hindering Tal mobility.' Jami hesitated, struggling to read the next sentence. Ila narrowed her working eye 'It wasn't until....100045..' She glanced at Ila for confirmation, but Ila gave nothing away 'W-when medical Tals figured out a way to surgically.... Combine... The two species. by removing a Tal's eye, and implanting the Halen in the cavity left behind.'
Jami's heart pounded with excitement, realizing soon, she'd be going through a very modernized version of that surgery. 'The Tals that volunteered for the surgery soon proved to be much healthier then Tals without Halen partners, even to the point where it removed the inefficient need for nutrition. It only took mere months for the participating Halens to learn how to communicate with, and even control their Tal hosts, by attaching their tendrils to certain parts of the Tal brain. Sense then, Tal/Halen partnerships have become a right of passage for Tals, and partnered Tals grew to have the name Tal-Halen. In honor of the partnership.' Jami sighed, hoping she did well.
Ila nodded when Jami glanced up at her 'Was the information stated in this report from 200067 correct?' Jami hesitated for a minute, thinking. 'Mostly.... But it took much longer before Halen's learned how to communicate with their hosts, several thousand years. And much longer before before they could correctly control the host's movements without damage to the host brain.' Ila nodded approvingly, and her eye turned brown, Jami-Ila in control again. "Good" He murmured, reaching down and adjusting and tapping things on the holographic table until multiple choice questions appeared on it before Jami. Reading them, she realized they were all situation based, and the choices were responses. "Accurately choose." Jami-Ila instructed, his voice mimicking his partners tone. "Choose inaccurate, Tal and Halen both hurt." Jami tensed, realizing now the importance of her choices.
This meant it took her longer then it should have to finish this part of the test. Jami-Ila seemed to wait patiently for her though, which she appreciated. She watched anxiously as Jami-Ila's eyes flashed between yellow and brown. They were communicating, probably judging her performance, and not just her answers to the questions, or how well she read the Halen speech. They were judging to see if her type of personality was capable of maintaining a healthy relationship with a Halen and keeping both it, and herself safe.
Soon they seemed to reach a consensus.
Jami-Ila wrote a number down, on the holographic table, and twisted it so Jami could see. 20 out of 30.. Barely a pass
Jami sighed in relief. Now she just couldn't wait to meet her Halen, and new friend.
- Chapter 4; Introducing the Halens:
- Jami-Ila walked around the counter, holding his hand towards Jami as a way of herding her ahead of him. She easily complied, and let him guide her back to Jami-Que, who took a moment to read both Tal-Halens' expressions. She smiled when she saw the calm look on Jami-Ila's face, and the excited and also relieved look on Jami's face. "Pass you did?" She inquired. Jami could barely contain a mature handle on her emotions building as it slowly became real for her. She bounced up and down on her heels her eyes sparkling as she looked into Jami-Que's one brown eye. "Passed! Yes, I did!" Jami-Que laughed, and ruffled Jami's hair, Jami once again returned the favor. "Congratulations!" Jami-Que exclaimed happily.
Jami-Ila looked over to Jami-Que "come with us, would you like? Meet Jami's Halen you can." He watched Jami-Que's reaction with calm expectancy. Jami couldn't help but squeal at his words. Jami-Que smiled at Jami at her excitement, but shook her head "Not my moment it is." Jami-Ila nodded. "Alright." He gestured to Jami. "Come." and he made his way over to the wall behind the holographic table Jami had taken her test on, and typed onto a holographic keypad that had appeared when he touched the wall. After he imputed the code, a part of the wall blinked and glitched, and disappeared. Jami's eyes grew wide. She had never seen a door like this. She assumed it was designed to keep intruders from finding the Halen's home. Jami-Ila lead Jami through the door down a well lit glass slope like the one she had climbed to get to the testing room, and to a suddenly very dark cavesque room with a small dark green pool in the middle. Jami looked up around the dark brown damp rocks lining the wall. Was this all for the comfort of the Halens? This fact confused her a bit.
She then turned her attention to the pool in the middle, and walked over, hesitantly leaning over to see in, as Jami-Ila got down on his hands and knees infront of it. Inside, Jami saw several creatures that looked like fish, or tadpoles, swimming around in the dark pool, which now that she was looking in, was shockingly deep. They had extremely long tais, and large piercing yellow eyes, that looked up at her whenever one happened to notice her. "these Halens are?" She thought to herself, thoroughly amazed, and feeling respect for the reverent yet unassuming creatures below her coursing through her every finger and toe.
She only now noticed Jami-Ila was watching her with pleased amusement. He then looked down at the pool, and called in a soft, sweet voice, softer then she had heard him use before "Sen?" Several of the Halens froze, looking up at him. Jami then saw a green little creature coming up from the depths of the pool. It was a fairly average sized Halen, maybe a bit thin, but recovery from the surgery would be easier in that case. Jami subtly wondered if it had had a Tal-Halen before her. The Halen broke the surface of the water, making soft squeaking and chirping noises to Jami-Ila.
Jami realized that 'it' was actually a 'she' as she noticed the subtle rounding of her head fins. Jami-Ila reached his hand down, and fondly scratched under her chin, she kind of purred in response, before pulling away, and hovering just under the surface, turning her attention to Jami. 'Sen' Jami-Ila begun. 'This is Jami, your new host.' Sen looked at Jami, clearly examining her new host. She blinked, and retreated further into the water. Jami felt self conscious, rubbing her fingers together. Jami-Ila continued speaking to her 'You two are the most compatible, Sen. I'm sure you'll like each other.' Sen nodded. Jami watched as several other Halens started swimming in circles around Sen, chirping and purring loudly and happily. Both Tal-Halens watched, Jami too curious to be impatient.
Sen chirped back to them, then broke the surface of the water again, poking her head above the water. Jami-Ila nodded, and scooped her out of the water gently with his hands.
Jami didn't remember much after this, because of the anesthesia the medical Halens had used on her. But she did remember a large white room, laying on a surprisingly soft platform, and looking over seeing Sen asleep in a small fish tank looking thing on the table next to her.
Jami-Sen woke up, alone in a small white, bright room. And she felt sore, with a huge headache. and her arm... Tickled, and felt generally uncomfortable. Jami-Sen was also caught off guard by being blind in one eye. It was different then she had expected. She began to look around, but had a huge dizzy spell, and lay her head back down. Suddenly an odd, deep voice spoke in her head 'Hello.' Jami-Sen thought she was imagining things at first, and tried to ignore it. She closed her good eye, groaning against the throbbing pain. Suddenly she pictured a large room, mostly dark, with rigid, dark, tall walls. In front of her stood a humanoid green... Girl... about Jami-Sen's size, watching her expectantly, with a tired expression in her one yellow eye. The girl spoke. 'Hello, Jami-Sen. I'm Sen. It's nice to officially meet you.'
She gave a nod. Jami-Sen looked her up and down, then squealed in joy. "SEN you are?!" She asked giddily, jumping up and down, then running over to Sen, and hugging her. Sen shoved her away quickly. 'Yes... I'm Sen.' She grabbed Jami-Sen's shoulders and held her still. 'Hold still, won't you?! Now, let me have a look at you.' Still holding the literally buzzing Jami-Sen still, Sen thoroughly examined her with her large yellow eye. 'Huh... Alright then.'
- Chapter 5; New Life:
- Sen spun on her heels, her long, bulky tails swishing behind her. 'Let's set some ground rules. First off, I'm not fully connected to you yet, so please speak in my language when talking to me. I can't sense who you're referring to yet.' She looked around her at the room 'And I'm sure you know this, but do not eat anything, please, however tempting. I'll supply your nutrients, and if you eat, you may eat something that's toxic for me. And I wouldn't be very happy about that.' She shifted her weight, not noticing Jami-Sen slowly inching around her so she could see her face again.
'Especially lemons' Jami couldn't see her face, but her whole body seemed to grimace against the thought of the sour fruit, which Jami-Sen, so happened to love. Jami-Sen pouted childishly at her new friend. 'And I won't have you thinking like a 4 year old. I'm allot older then you, and I'd appreciate it if I didn't have to be your babysitter your whole life.' Jami-Sen giggled at this, and Sen turned to face her, giving her a look that said 'please don't' Sen sighed 'do you have any battle training?' Jami-Sen shook her head. 'Then I will teach you. You are surviving for two now, after all.' She looked thoughtful for a moment 'speaking of which, be careful not to bump your arm on anything sharp and stuff. My tail is right under the skin, and I don't appreciate it you you let any part of me get hurt.' Jami-Sen nodded. 'Is that why my arm tickles?' Sen nodded 'Yeah. -gosh I hate starting over- that's me, pushing my tail into place after the surgery.' Jami-Sen nodded, feeling weird. She shook it off, and tried to read Sen's face instead, to put the details to memory.
She noticed the internal form of Sen only had one eye. "right that is.. One eye, have I only." The thought made her shudder internally. Sen snapped to attention, sensing it, she stopped talking, carefully reading Jami-Sen. 'Don't be afraid.' she said at last, extremely hesitantly. 'You are not.... Impaired.' Jami-Sen blinked. 'impaired' was a word she had never heard before. 'It means something along the lines of 'held back' or 'broken' or 'less capable'.' Sen explained without question. She shooke her head, and 'what do those goons teach their young these days?' ran through her head. Jami-Send decided it best that she didn't reveal she had just heard Sen's thought, for fear she might protect her thoughts somehow.
"Jami-Sen?" A voice from outside Jami-Sen's mind called, dragging her out of the internal room with Sen suddenly.
Jami-Sen blinked up at the doctor, a female with deep, and long black marks lacing her face like a web. Sen didn't have any black marks yet, she guessed. Those were caused by Sen's skin over time. "Lost you were there, for a moment." The doctor laughed. "Introductions Halen with?" Jami-Sen had planned to nod, but her head hurt too much. So she made a runt of agreement instead. "Mirror get you I can." She offered, tilting her head. Jami-Sen nodded. She was curious about this. As the Doctor turned to walk off, she said "begin your research tomorrow you will." And with that she was out of the room.
Jami-Sen thought this over, she'd begin her research... Her... RESEARCH! She put her hands to her mouth, hearing Sen grunt softly in the back of her mind, as her tail probably got pinned against Jami-Sen's elbow. 'Sen!' She thought excitedly 'I'm going to be able to visit EARTH tomorrow!'
Jami-Sen was tempted to jump out of bed right then and there and head to one of the many research buildings in the city, when her Doctor, Jami....Opa, Jami-Sen thought her name was, came back into the room with the 'mirror'. A holographic pad that displayed a 3D model of Jami-Sen's current face, as she held it up so it could scan her. Jami-Sen stared at her sewn shut eye. They had taken the heal patch off it, but she almost wished they hadn't. It was red, and swollen and puffy. and Jami-Sen thought she saw it move once or twice as Sen continued to to settle herself in her new home. 'Heh... This is my view now, huh?' Sen spoke up suddenly. Knocking Jami-Sen out of the sorrowful funk she didn't know she was in. 'Yeah! For both of us!' She responded happily. 'The swelling will go down.' Sen said, clearly having heard Jami-Sen's discomfort moments ago. 'In a week, you'll look like every other Tal-Halen around you.'
Jami-Sen looked around her at the sick, and injured Tal-Halens laying in beds around hers. as well as another new graduate or two. And a single Tal-Halen sitting on one of the beds anxiously. The tail of their Halen running down their arm was a bright red, instead of the usual blue-ish green. Jami-Sen's heart skipped a beat. 'Bad example. Whatever, it doesn't matter. Just... Just deal with it. Ok?' Jami-Sen smirked. 'Ok, your majesty.' Sen scoffed. She handed the 'mirror' back to the Doctor, who nodded, took it, and walked off to go tend to other patients.
Last edited by Tornadostorm on Sat May 26, 2018 10:05 pm; edited 12 times in total
Tornadostorm- Deputy
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Re: Life Partner (The beginnings of a new OC)
Oooh, sounds good Twist!! I can't wait to read more! So what kind of species are they exactly?
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Re: Life Partner (The beginnings of a new OC)
They're a species called Tals. (And once they've become 'partners' with a Halen, (like Ken) they're called Tal-Halens) More of the details you'll learn as I go, I have many more plans for their culture.
(IDK if this was clear from the chapter, although I think it was, but young Tals are all called Jami (as names aren't important) until they become partners with a Halen, when they get their name changed to Jami-*instert Halen name here* such as Jami-Ken)
They are also fluent in Halen, just as Halen are fluent in Tal. And their languages are very similar. It's just grammar structure that is different between the two.
Tal-Halens have a symbiotic relationship with their 'partner' as at a certain age Tals stop producing a certain vitamin they need, which is one Halens make excess of, and generally get rid of through their skin. And the ash particles in the air of the planet Jabal Alnaar becomes toxic to Halens once they mature, so Tals provide them the oxygen they need.
(IDK if this was clear from the chapter, although I think it was, but young Tals are all called Jami (as names aren't important) until they become partners with a Halen, when they get their name changed to Jami-*instert Halen name here* such as Jami-Ken)
They are also fluent in Halen, just as Halen are fluent in Tal. And their languages are very similar. It's just grammar structure that is different between the two.
Tal-Halens have a symbiotic relationship with their 'partner' as at a certain age Tals stop producing a certain vitamin they need, which is one Halens make excess of, and generally get rid of through their skin. And the ash particles in the air of the planet Jabal Alnaar becomes toxic to Halens once they mature, so Tals provide them the oxygen they need.
- Picture of Jami:
- In general they look somewhat like this, although hair color and styles vary. Hair length is generally the same with girls though because of their culture standards.
As for what Halen look like, You'll see :3
Tornadostorm- Deputy
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Re: Life Partner (The beginnings of a new OC)
Chapter 2 is up :DD
Get ready to basically be smacked in the face with world building xDDD The main purpose of their world, and their beliefs, motivations and all, however, is to be explored with time xD
Get ready to basically be smacked in the face with world building xDDD The main purpose of their world, and their beliefs, motivations and all, however, is to be explored with time xD
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Re: Life Partner (The beginnings of a new OC)
Ah that's so interesting! You're a good writer :D
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Re: Life Partner (The beginnings of a new OC)
Chapter 3 is up :D
I might draw a picture of a Halen at some point XDD But maaaann I am SO excited to introduce Jami's partner :DDDD EEPPPP I already love the character XDDD And they're the one with the mildy intense backstory xD
I might draw a picture of a Halen at some point XDD But maaaann I am SO excited to introduce Jami's partner :DDDD EEPPPP I already love the character XDDD And they're the one with the mildy intense backstory xD
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Re: Life Partner (The beginnings of a new OC)
I really enjoy this so far I will definitely be waiting for more story
Mistpaw- Medicine Cat Apprentice
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Re: Life Partner (The beginnings of a new OC)
Chapter 4 is uhhhppp.
Picture of Halens :)
Picture of Halens :)
- Spoiler:
- CHAPTER 4 SPOILERS:
- I. Love. Sen! I've already been working with her a bit, and I got to say, I'm pretty proud xDDDD Eeee! I can't wait for you guys to get to know her! Even if there aren't many chapters of Life Partner left.
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Re: Life Partner (The beginnings of a new OC)
Chapter 5 is up :DDD
Yeaah yeah, small chapter, I know :P
It's just the next chapter is probably going to be the final one, and I wanted to give you guys a little something more before I ended the book. Oh wells, I hope you enjoy the bit of relationship and slight world building I did anyway :D
Yeaah yeah, small chapter, I know :P
It's just the next chapter is probably going to be the final one, and I wanted to give you guys a little something more before I ended the book. Oh wells, I hope you enjoy the bit of relationship and slight world building I did anyway :D
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